What a weekend.

Well I have had a whirlwind of a weekend.
Saturday I had lunch with my Sister Hannah and her mom Joan and her sister Mona.
The children are so grown up and lovely to be around and talk to. It seems just yesterday we were changing diapers and making bottles. Life has gone by so fast and I have been graced to be a part of such a large family and a larger extended family. After lunch I went to Cabellas for feathers (Cabella's is like Disneyland with guns and fishing poles). I wish I could have gone there with Grandpa and Dale. After I got home Tj let me sleep for a few hours so we could make it to the wedding reception. I was grateful to see many old friends and friendships rekindled. Yesterday we took Maya to Liberty park she was at a loss there was so much going on she wanted to see everything all at once. It was so cute. today as you might imagine I feel like I have been run over by a whole fleet of greyhound buses. But after it all I ask myself was it worth it? I answer proudly YES it was. I had a chance and grabbed on to a piece of life. I loved every minute of it and am grateful for the time to share with those I care for.

......

AARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! My legs are not working very well. I am sitting here my calves are freezing being shocked and my toes are not responding. I hate this junk. I wish someone somewhere can find something that will really help with my issues. One day my hands don't work the next my feet. I am so sick of this I have a Dr. appointment today hopefully I will feel better by then. when I try to move my toes I feel electric shocks and maybe a twitch out of one or two toes but it feels like I have curled them all the way in. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I have the hardest time finding self worth lately but I am trying. Tj ius also going to the Dr. he is having a hard time with stress but who wouldn't in his position. I just try to be supportive and hide as much of my pain as I can to lessen his load so to speak.

Maya is having some hard times she is having nightmares Tj thinks she has man issues, I think she is not being woken up properly. We will get this under control I know that if we just learn her quirks and let her get used to ours we will be fine. The cats are being so much more tolerant of her I think in the next few weeks we will see her blossom into a loved pup rather than a stray in another foster home.
Well enough Boo Hoo for today.
loves. XOXOXOX

What has been going on.

Well I know I have not been a very good blogger but with the weather last week I did not spend much time typing. Things seem, to be looking up, I found a lawyer to take my disability case so I feel as though I found a paddle to navigate shit creek LOL.
I was able to spend time with my grandma when she needed me. My great uncle frank passed on Sunday. I never got to spend a lot of time with him but the time spent was valuable. He was a great man with so many stories to tell. He will be missed greatly by so many people, friends and family alike.
My husband is really starting to show signs of stress and I am so worried about him. I am going to take us to the Dr. to see what we can do.
We adopted a new dog or not depends on how you look at it. Maya is a Chihuahua from LA to Utah on an overflow trip. She had been a stray from what we know so she needs a fur-ever home and we can give her one. The cats are still kinda skiddish but they have accepted that they are all in it for the long haul.
Tj is in Idaho today but he is on his way home so he will be here by bedtime.
Sorry I'm a slacker but I love you all. <3'

Madeleine and Amanda vist 2011.

So this last week was spent with my nieces as you may know. Lots of fun, giggles, Nerf darts and Kinect. Mac and cheeseburger Thanks Uncle Tj. They no longer eat Barbie pancakes, but they still drink juice boxes. Madeleine has grown so much she is a young lady already. Amanda is a ham she is so funny she just never runs out of things she wants to know. We looked at old pictures newly acquired Thanks Grandma Larson. I love those girls as much as anyone could, they are the future present and past. I have always loved spending time with them. I remember the day Amanda was born, Dale held her first then he handed her to me. Blessed be that baby girl and her big sister have changed my life forever. Tj and I have enjoyed watching them grow learn and change from babies to young people. Individual traits and characteristics beginning to prepare the journey to Adulthood. I love my Girls with all my heart I will always try to be whatever they need me to be and help the in any way that I can. I say My Girls but that is not fair they are Our girls Uncle Tj is a favorite since uncle Pj was cool.

Saturday & Sunday

Well Tj and I had a yard sale yesterday made a couple bucks not bad for getting a tan.
After we went and bought lunch and picnicked at the park out here in Magna.
All in all it was a great day I had time with good Friends and My Best Friend.
Today we picnicked at Liberty park, then we fed the ducks and geese.
I had a blast I got to share my bread with some kids that was fun.
After the grocery store I am toast, glad it is a three day weekend for Tj.
We get the girls Wednesday that will be awesome.
Anyhow I just wanted to check in Loves.

Illness Unseen (YOU)

I don't know who YOU are or how I came into having YOU but this is beyond.
I am so sick and tired of the control YOU have over me I want to live my life, but YOU do.
What did I do to deserve YOU?
Why do YOU hate me?
All of my struggles all my work.
All my rewards gone.
I earned my life and took every blow it took to get here.
YOU don't own me but YOU run my life.
I hate this damn curse YOU have inflicted on me.
Why would YOU wait in hiding all the while watching.
Waiting till my dreams were lain out on the wall perfectly.
Then YOU, YOU just decide OK too much DONE no more life for me.
I am still here and I am still fighting to stay alive I have not given up, yet....
The days wear on but the outside world can't see YOU, I look perfectly fine to them.
FINE...I would settle for one day one hour with out YOU at this point.
I would like YOU to leave just ME alone with my husband so he can hug me and not hurt me.
One more cast of the fishing pole reel in that 19" rainbow one more time.
One more "Practice round" at the bowling alley with Mr. H and Mrs. H.
One more ride in the car, My turn to drive.
Alas no YOU are here and no one else knows it but me.
I don't know what YOU are but I HATE YOU!!!!
I hate YOU for what YOU have turned me into.
Just Go away,
YOU.