Thusrday almost Friday...

Today is a good day, I was able to vacuum the house load the dishwasher and am quite proud.
I get to see Grams tomorrow I am so excited I love Friday it is out of the house day. I think I may ask Grams if we can go feed the ducks. I can't remember the last time we did that. Well so much for that idea. Grams came with the cousins stayed for like 30 minutes and left. I am glad to have seen my cousins but at what cost. Grandma comes to see me most Fridays just to get out of the house. Nothing big maybe lunch maybe not but since she came with the cousins yesterday i just have to look forward to next week. I'm starting to hate my house I feel trapped like a prisoner in my own home. Sorry it's late no post today see ya Monday.

It's Wednesday...

Today is not nearly as painful as yesterday, today it seems to be mainly in my feet. I will probably stay in bed till Tj gets home today. He has made sure that I have everything from TV to fridge so I really don't have to go downstairs if I don't feel safe. My cousins are supposed to come see me tomorrow how nice to have visitors. I have to say I could have it worse I know some who do. I am very grateful for what I do have and though we argue about stupid crap Tj is and has always been the best thing that ever happened to me. So the day is over and no stupid arguments pretty smooth evening. Tj made dinner grilled burgers on whole wheat buns and it was just right. We did have a few issues. My left foot went on vacation without the rest of me. TJ is a peach he helped me up the stairs and into bed. He even got my drink for me and was not mean or snappy at all. I hope tomorrow is better than today cuz today is way better than yesterday.

Tuesday just another Tuesday!!!!

Today sux my hands hurt so bad I can barely hold my coffee cup, I'd like to get a hold of the jerk that hit my hands with a hammer. No but really I think it has to do with the monsoon junk and really interferes with the plan I had for the day. I wanted to scrapbook for Bear, he was such a ham I bet I have over a thousand pictures of him. I miss my baby I miss the companionship he provided and the unconditional love. I know he is not in pain anymore but I am.
I was not able to get any scrap booking done I did however make Tj some cranberry and orange muffins for work snacks. We argued over more and more of the same crap today. I fell into a dark place when he woke me up and just couldn't find someone to talk to or should I say someone who would hear my crap and take my side. I have to have faith that God will show me a way to navigate the path life has come to. I pray that he will help me find the strength and comfort I am going to need to work through the coming months. I will try harder to be positive tomorrow but in the end today sucked.

The weekend; Tj's Birthday.

So I have decided not to post on the weekends to be able to spend more time with Tj.
His birthday was on Saturday but we really did not do anything, well he didn't.
He found some fabric at Wal-mart and asked that I make a pillow the length of the bed. I used three bags of filling to stuff it.
We argued over dumb things like we always do. I did make the pillow and it was a great success. I love it and so does he, I hate arguing though it takes so much out of me over nothing. The new med regimen is to blame I believe, all I want to do is sleep and he is the only one to wake me up for meds. thus poor Tj gets the mean one.
We did spend some good time together and I would never trade any of it.
I wish I had more energy but lately I sleep on average 6-7 hours a day, I can't keep my eyes open. I know that the med change will not be like this forever. Tj and I are working on accepting that this is permanent and may ease but will never go away. I have been hearing a lot more popping in my joints my feet are the worst. I hate walking though I make myself do as much as I can but when it hurts to stand why do it? I think about Tj and up I go. I hurt but to have him caused discomfort causes me the greatest pain.
I love my husband and know why no matter what changed or how long since we had seen each other one look in his eyes and the rest of the world ceases to exist.

Just another day.

So today I vacuumed upstairs and down thought about dishes but I am still vibrating from the vacuum. We had a funny thing happen last night one of the cats playing on the table and turned on the TV at like 4am... Tj was pissed. ha ha... We have the new sink in Tj will set it when he gets home. The caulk should be dry and I should be able to brush my teeth in the bathroom rather than the kitchen. Other than that not a lot going on. My cousin Christopher came to see me today I have not seen him for a while and I believe he is on the right path now I was very worried but for now just glad he is going in the right direction. Tj and I went to Sam's Club and then to Scattys we had the chicken basket it was good. The one we went to is on 3rd west and 1700 s I liked the food but the lady next to me had halibut and said it was really greasy FYI. I want to go there for breakfast berry and cream cheese stuffed pancakes mmmmmmmm....sounds awesome. Oh, oh the sink works WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO. so excited to brush my teeth in the bathroom. I will post a pic later. Well loves off to bed for me, sleep well.

Well the day was not a total loss.

I did some work today and hurt like hell but my self value is up.
Tj and I had purchased a new faucet for our bathroom sink only to find the sink leaks. I woke up and had one purchased for Tj to pick up on his way to work. he was not happy to have to work all day and to that again. I wanted to help I knew how frustrated TJ was, so I cleaned the old Caulk I undid the new faucet. I then undid the plumbing and took the old sink out so all Tj had to do was drop it all in and fasten it. I would not say the work was hard by any means but tell that to my Body. My head feels like a gravitron if you remember those, my body feels like I spent too long in one. I know I will never be able to reach the levels of energy I once had but I can and will keep on taking advantage of what energy I have.
I am only 32 not 90 and I will keep on trying to remind my body of that.

Where to begin?

It all started about a year and a half ago as a pain in my right arm. I fought and fought with the stupid worker's comp doctors they said there was nothing wrong. After jumping through hoops for 8 months two EEG's an MRI and a visit to the spinal specialist. In February I had to quit working and driving. now I am to the point my husband does not allow me to go out of the house alone.
So the actual diagnosis: herniated disks in my cervical spine and thoracic spine, cervical spondylosis, and fibromyalgia. Life has changed quite a bit I am no longer able to bowl and do the things I really enjoy but I try to do whatever I can.
Without Tj I would not be able to live I can no longer take care of myself.
He has been such a support he takes me out to walk makes sure I still run the household as much as I can. I could complain about what I have and what I can't do but I can at least give some understanding to those on the outside.